January 2008
67 posts
Words Fway looked up today:
pathos sardonic
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Thank You, Mr. Chapman!
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SalmonScreen →
Some new reviews up…
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“Don’t underestimate the power of my Confederate secession-ahol!”
– another Salmontext
“Your surrender-monkey vodka is no match for Mr. Beam’s incredible Southern...”
– Salmon text
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Sito
Lewins: going to the mountains in mass. to ski
Me: nice
Lewins: hollllla
Me: no no. no holla. yodel, foo
Lewins: lowduh-fway-hee-hoo
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA awesome dude. on that note get out. you cant top that
This Is What I Know About Being Gigantic →
Again with the Gagne
SETUP: Gagne put a miniature skull up in his cubicle. Which scared the living daylights out of his child (2 1/2 years). He tried to carry him past it, but ended up making the kid eye-level with it, and thus more petrified.
Lipton: Your poor kid is thinking, "Daddy, why is there a dead kid in your office?"
Me as Gagne to his boy: "It's your other son!"
Laughter...
Me: Wait, I mean...
Gagne: You meant it was his other brother.
Me: Yeah.
Gagne: Yeah, because my son already has a son.
Me: Haha, he's so Puerto Rican.
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Fun times...
Me: Bitch
Gagne: You call me a bitch? Obviously your life means dick to you.
Me: My life IS dick.
Gagne: (chukles) We're playing on the same field...
Me: Wouldn't that mean we're hitting the same guy?
Gagne: Team... I meant team.
Me: Don't talk to me until you get your metaphors straight.
Winner of Response Contest:
So, nobody seemed to get my joke below (Lange’s Mother). Of all the whooshes zipping over heads, the highest pitched was: “Who is that? Did she work here?” -Coworker
WatchQuinn Mallory slides to a world where Tom Cruise is insane.
Music to have friends talk shit about you by.
hehe
Me: Your penis is superfluous.
Kelsen: Not if I have your mouth around.
Me: Well fucking played.
Emailing about Tom Cruise's infamous award...
Me: He's in league with the forces of evil. He's an imp of darkness. I
saw his credentials once.
Her: Fine, he's an imp. I'm comfortable with that title for him. Tom "the
imp" Cruise...ruining Hollywood society one celebrity at a time.
Me: He's Impin' ?
Her: groan...
Me: Mission: Possible....er....accomplished.
Her: lol, ok I laughed...er...smiled at that one...
Me: Dun dun DUN DUN dun dun DUN DUN nee ner neeeeee- nee nee- neeee ner
neeee DUN DUN dunnUHHHHHH
Her: wow, I can't believe that translated... nice job.
Me: It was kinda hard to do.
Her: The "nee ner neeeeee" part is my favorite.
Me: its awesomer reading it back.
Lunch
Zach: What's that one show? It's on after Heroes...
Kelsen: I don't know.
Zach: Yeah, you don't watch TV. It's like, time travel or something.
Me: Time travel?
Zach: Yeah in the show they time travel.
Me: Oh, you're talking about Quantum Leap.
Water Cooler
Ronn: My fiancé was saying she had been with a well-endowed guy, like 13". But she said it didn't fit.
Me: That's a nice way of saying she took it in the butt.
Ronn: So I said, "If you're not hung like that, what does a guy have to do?" She told me "Be really funny."
Kelsen: So when you pull your pants down, you say "Knock knock..."
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E-mail Between Friends
Anonymous Friend: I teared up watching Deep Impact the other day. Please don't repeat that.
Me: That's the gayest thing Ive heard since a dick was in my ear.
Fway has officially declared himself an...
Pleasant 80’s anthem just for you, in...
From Behind a Cigarette #1
I went outside to smoke a cigarette on my porch. Whatever happened to rocking out in the garage? I saw a little kid walking home with a Guitar Hero guitar strapped across her chest. Amazing. When I was her age, I was loading a 5 piece drum-set in the back of an ‘85 Nissan Z! Both ways! Then, even better, a large windowless Dodge fleet-style van pulled up to the corner and started honking....
My superpower:
My stupid superpower is being able to go down a flight of stairs very quickly, even though I take them one at a time. Beat that Unusually-stiffman!
