July 2008
20 posts
tight pants part 2
Gagne (choking me): This is what Fway can do with his pants.
Me: Yeah. They double as piano wire.
French Lessons
I explain to Gagne how a certain foreign gentleman was trying to hit on a girl in this country who is from his country.
Gagne’s thoughts:
“You shouldv’e told him to just leave his dick in France.”
tight pants part 1
Ronn sees his arm is as thick as my leg.
“Jesus. I have Fway’s legs growing out of my shoulders.”
overheard at the office
Steve: Oh you're wearing a tie today.
Me: I decided I wanted to go back to the way I used to be...
Gagne (interjecting): Less of a prick?
Me: ...wearing a tie.
Steve: Girls like ties.
Me: What did Gagne say?
Steve: He made a snide remark.
Me: I know; I'm ignoring him in favor of people who say 'snide.'
Gagne: What you don't know is that 'snide' is Korean for "Shut the fuck up, emo."
Me: Really? I didn't know they had silent e's.
coworkers
Gagne: The dude is a rapist.
Sarai: He's just misunderstood.
Gagne: NO ONE understands him....
Me: The law understands his kind perfectly well...
News Commentary
Gagne (watching the TV in the restaurant): Dude! What's up with her outfit?
(everyone looks)
Sarai: Those shoulder pads are huge.
someone: And what's up with pastel green?
me: That looks like Shredder's Easter Outfit.
Suckling Dave
(Dave opens his shirt to reveal a pink belly)
Ronn: Dude, what's wrong with you? You look like the underside of a pig.
Me: Someone get this guy an apple.
gagne's a funny
Gagne: What's the best part about getting a handjob from a 7 year old?
(no one answers)
G: Your cock looks huge in the pics....
(table laughs)
Me: Soooo true
“Dave’s apartment is like a bachelor pad. If the bachelor was a 70 year old...”
– Salmon
(D)Heath Ledger
someone: Dark Knight was great, I've respected Heath Ledger since Brokeback Mountain.
Dave: I thought Brokeback was OK.
me: How about that first love scene, eh?
Frank: That took some acting. I think he got an Oscar for it.
someone: He didn't win, he was nominated though....
me: Nominated? That's like gay for pay and then the check bounces.
dinner with dave
someone: How old are you, Dave?
Dave: 35.
me: Dave, when people ask, just say you're thirtyfun
at a meeting
me: he said "googleable"
Jose: It's a word now.
me: Fuck that.
Jose: it's like Band-Aid, Q-Tips, and all that.
me: I can't believe what's happening to our language.
Jose: oh so what do you ask for when you need a Q-Tip?
me: I say, "May I please have a cotton swab on a stick."
overheard
dude: I swear, I'm not banging her, dating her, anything...
Gagne: You're the Lyin' King.
WatchFreedom Bag Water
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